Just realized, this song is so easily colored by our experiences. Ugh, just thinking about it is breaking MY heart. It’s like a sad little moment of self-flagellation about what she thinks is her own stupidity because “What did I expect, really? I mean, even I don’t like me. The line about “the smile that you gave me even when you felt like dying” sounded more to me like an attempt at distancing herself from the utter humiliation. I think it’s about regret than anything else… regret in placing herself in such a vulnerable position, because she already has a history of self-loathing. Then we end up with the perspective of the one who loves but isn’t loved back, and the realization (in my part at least) that, holy crap, she’s the one being rejected, isn’t she? But then a story about someone who is being love dbut doesn’t love back, isn’t really something that warrants such a melancholy vibe, right? Little by little, however, the perspective changes. In the beginning we see Billie in the position of being the one loved but doesn’t seem to love back this unknown person.
I think the song is about self-loathing and regret than anything else. Woah, my opinion is COMPLETELY different, it’s crazy. This whole conflit means that she’s afraid of eventually losing this person and permanently ruining their special bond by allowing the “love” factor in, with all the drama and instability that is caused by romance, which ultimately points to her fear of love itself, since the unrestrained expression of such an intense feeling would expose her to a great level of emotional vulnerabillity, intimacy, attachment and distress, onde that she’s not ready to feel yet, since it would imply the destruction of walls she has built around her in order to protect herself from insecurities and preserve her emotional stability and psychological well being, as well as her sense of control and sense of self, and her own independence, things that are frequently threatened by the blinding and unpredictable intensity of love with the deepening of its expression and the resulting attachment it inflicts on a person. In that sense, her contradictory negative reaction is motivated by the awareness that the lighter and harmonious nature of their relationship would be ruined by the intensity of love and romance, as well as the usual spontaneity and playfullness between them, which would be replaced by awkwardness and hesitation as a result of a romantic dynamic, leading her to just want things to remain the same.
So, when the guy (I’m assuming it’s a man) finally confesses his love for her, she rejects it, even though she feels the same, because his revelation meant the automatic destruction of the spontainety and freedoms of their usual bond, by adding the weight of love to it. In that way, suppressing the real nature of the feelings displayed in this relationship is a way of preserving its former lowkey status, avoiding risky changes that would inevitably mean the ending of its previously balanced lighter dynamics. In plain sight, this song seems to be about a sudden unwanted disruption of the glass ceiling dynamics of “mutual unconfessed love” between two persons, which in this case can refer to a friendship or an emotionally detached intimate relationship.
That being said, anyone with a minor sense of interpretation will realise that the meaning of this song is clearly more in line with the analysis above. A song that is dedicated to someone doesn’t necessarily has to be about this person or about a factual thing that happened between them, since the term ” dedicated to” generally refers to a rather more abstract association, which can be the most random ones, like being inspired by his work while writing this specific song and then dedicating it to him since he died and the title is relatable to the feelings she had for him as a friend, although the content is still about something else. I’m quite sure it’s not about X, his death or their friendship, since none of these would match the (obviously romantic) arc that’s developed in the lyrics, being rather just dedicated to him, unless they were friends who fell in love with each other, which I don’t think is the case here.
I think you guys are all making a huge confusion with this song.
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